It was cold the morning of October 24th, and the sun had yet to burn off a dense fog. Plump dewdrops weighed down blades of grass. Work was about to begin. The task at hand was to finish the deepest part of the drainage channel for U-32’s infamous new track. This day would change U-32 forever. 

Hunter Thyme finished the last sip of his Dunkin’® Hazelnut Mocha™©™ and climbed into an excavator. A half-hour into work, Hunter noticed something strange.

“The hole started to fill with this black sludge,” Thyme remembers, “I thought that the hydraulic fluid was leaking again, but soon the entire channel was full.”

“What we found was impossible,” said Fennel Williams, a groundwater expert. “We realized that U-32 had been built on a pocket of crude oil worth at least 2.2 billion dollars.” 

No one can explain how the oil got there. 

 

Although not environmentally friendly, the school plans to use the oil sales to offset the high costs of teaching children. The first cost being addressed is the $1000 base fee Infinite Campus charged per student to inflate their GPA. 

With newfound freedom from the taxpayer, principal Steven Dellinger-Pate says the school has extensive plans for better education: “We are probably going to build some more flag poles.”

New flag poles side by side with a methane vent.